Doris O'Connor
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The Importance Of Forming Your Own Opinion #fsog

3/16/2015

25 Comments

 
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Happy Monday, folks. I find myself in a contemplative mood today, and I need to get  something off my chest that has been bothering me lately, and yes it is directly related to Fifty Shades of Grey.


I can see you all rolling your eyes now, but bear with me, because I, for one, learnt a valuable lesson over all this hoohaa about the books and the movie. 


You see, when Fifty first registered in my conscience, I didn't pay it much attention, mainly, because it's written in first person, and that is not my preferred reading. Add to that the general low opinion of those in the lifestyle about the accuracy of the books, and I thought to myself, "Nah, won't waste my time."


Which is where this story should have ended. However, it didn't and hence started the lesson. One I know, and practice in every aspect of my life...


Namely: Form my own opinion, before I jump on any particular bandwagon.


I can't even tell you why I didn't do that on this occasion, because I really ought to know better. I try very hard not to jump to conclusions and judge anyone or anything without the full facts, normally. After all, as the mother of a large family, who attachment parents, and breastfeeds full term, I've been at the receiving end of my fair share of snap judgements.
*rolls eyes*
It has made me develop a very thick skin, something that has come in very handy in my writing world, I tell you. 
However, I digress. For whatever reason I jumped onto the fifty shades of shite wagon, based solely on other's opinion, scathing reviews I read, and plenty of quotes taken out of context, showing Christian Grey to be nothing short of abusive and his relationship with Anastasia as a poisoned example of what BDSM isn't.


Hmmm. one thing wrong with this picture. It wasn't MY opinion, but other people's, and you know what, no matter how much you trust another person's judgement on anything, you really shouldn't take it as gospel, unless you've done your own research on the matter, and have reached the same conclusion.


In my sort of defence I did try and read the free Kindle sample, but I didn't even make it halfway through, because I got too hung up on the bad writing that everyone else kept going on about, and yeah... the whole first person thing. I also always stated that I hadn't read the books, but....


Such an innocuous word...but...


What I should have done is kept my mouth shut and simply said, I haven't read them, so I really can't comment.


So, what changed, you might ask. Well, with the movie coming out hubby surprised me by saying he wanted to see it. I think curiosity got the better of him, and he wanted to see what all the fuss was about. So, me being me decided, I better read the books to see how they've worked it into the movie.


With a certain amount of, I can't believe I'm doing this, I bought the latest trilogy version of Amazon, and started reading... and reading.... and....yeah....


Now, I'm not sure whether this latest version has been re-edited, but the writing didn't jar as much as I recall that earlier free Kindle Sample doing. Actually it wasn't half bad and with it being first person, I quickly got sucked into the story. The love story that is, and say what you will about fifty, that love story is what kept me reading.


Yes, I wanted to freaking well strangle her inner goddess after just a few pages, and Ana herself seriously got on my last nerve at times, but Christian, abusive?


Errr, no. Is he overbearing, controlling, possessive to the point of stalkerish? Hell, yes, but I kinda like that in my literary heroes, at least. Would some of his behaviour get him arrested, were he not filthy rich? Yes, probably, lol, but then again this is fiction, and I have no issues with suspending my disbelief, and just enjoying a story line for what it is, entertainment.


I've heard it say that he doesn't get Ana's consent and that he ignores safewords?


Erm, unless I read a vastly different version, please show me where that happens? Yes, Ana never signs that contract, but then they are really not that common in the lifestyle anyway, and the two of them spent plenty of time in negotiation as they well should.


Not once does he do something Ana does not agree to. Does he push her out of her comfort zone, push her too far on a few occasion. Sure he does, but then... duh... he's a Dom. That's his job.


Safewords, again, where is the issue? There are two safeword occasions, as far as I can see. One where Ana should have safeworded and she doesn't! Yes, I might have sworn at my Kindle and called her a few choice words under my breath, but that doesn't make what Christian did, non-consensual.


It makes her a silly girl, who cannot be trusted.


On the one occasion she does safeword, he stops immediately and is equally as horrified as he was on the occasion when she didn't safeword. Again, where is the abuse in that?


I've also heard it say, it's completely unrealistic, because he goes vanilla for her. Hmmm, he never goes completely vanilla. He still very much needs to be in charge and that never, ever changes, apart from one memorable scene where I went WTF along with Ana, lol. And there is plenty of kinky fuckery, as they put it, going on along with the vanilla sex. Negotiation, you know, folks.


Plenty of real life BDSM relationships have vanilla times. There have to be. I dare say even in a TPE 24/7 relationship there will be moments when the person in charge, simply put, has to re-charge.


I could go on and on, but I'll be here forever, and I'll bore you all to tears. The thing is, every BDSM relationship is going to be different from the next one, and the one portrayed in Fifty might not be your typical one, but that doesn't make it wrong.


Is it the best BDSM book ever written? No, of course not, but it isn't that bad either. There are lots of things the author got right, and as an introduction into the lifestyle, I can see why it appealed to so many people.


And while we're on the subject, I enjoyed the movie too, even if hubby came out of there muttering loudly about the irresponsible rope work.


You see, hubby in Sir mode takes his rope work very seriously, and that still rankles him, but as for the actual story..in his words.
"It was quite enjoyable."


And that is my opinion too. I enjoyed reading the books. I laughed, I cried, I fanned myself, and once Ana stopped being an irritant, even rooted for her. And Christian? I really liked him, and the more we got to know him, the more I did like him.
Abusive? Hell, no. He's a tortured soul, who carries the mental and emotional scars of a horrible early childhood, and it takes Ana to finally help him heal.


Nothing wrong with that. Like I said, I read it for the love story, and that still makes me smile, and I shan't forget the lesson.


Always make up your own mind, before you voice an opinion!



25 Comments
Doris you are so right and I loved reading what you said when I read the books I just took it for being the love story that it essentially is with a lot of kinks too. and tbh if I hadn't read it first I never would have found you and Tara and Raven and
3/16/2015 05:46:28

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 08:54:10

Thanks, Helen :-) I'm s glad fifty led you to discover all the other great authors. x

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Siobhan Muir link
3/16/2015 06:39:40

Very good perspective, Doris. I haven't read them either and I'm not in the mood, so I shall leave it at that, but you're so right about making your own educated decision. Thanks for sharing. :)

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 08:55:44

Love your, I'm not in the mood, comment. lol I think you def need to be in the right frame of mind to read them :-)

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julie
3/16/2015 06:56:42

Doris only last night my daughter said no two people read the same book. She was right I haven't read the books but, funnily my niece who's not read a book since school days 20odd years ago has. Different things appeal to different people. With the movie making half a billion dollars, and the DVD coming out in June. The authors doing very well.

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 08:57:05

Too true, Julie. She's achieved what most of us authors can only dream of, and good for her :-)

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Tina B
3/16/2015 09:45:54

Thank you for sharing your honest opinion, Doris.
I read the books and while I didn't hate them, they weren't my favorite either. I enjoyed Christian as a damaged, alpha male. Ana was a little too naive for me and the inner "issues" were a bit irritating.
The main issue that I had with the story was the writing. It didn't flow as smoothly for me as I would have liked.
I agree with you though, overall, it was enjoyable for its' love story. :)

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 12:23:52

Yes, I agree the writing could have been a whole lot better, but the actual story had me so rooted, that I forgot about that after a while :-)

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Tara Rose link
3/16/2015 10:26:45

*APPLAUDS WILDLY* Thank you. I too jumped on that puppy without reading the books first and forming my own opinion, and I'm hanging my head in shame at having done so. I've read two of the three, and I really like them for all the reasons you stated, Doris. :)

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 12:25:20

Thanks, Tara. You'll love book three, I reckon :-)

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Kenna
3/16/2015 12:51:38

Oh yes, you will! :-D

Kenna
3/16/2015 12:51:04

I love you!! I love that you stepped forward and admitted that you bandwagoned, but formed your own opinion when you read the books. I'm actually proud of you because there aren't many people who would do that.
I loved those books. I've never been ashamed to admit that. That being said, I've been bashed on many a book page because of it. I fell in love with Christian, flaws and all, because he WAS a tortured soul, and then he found the one person who could make him whole.
Sure, the writing was less than stellar, but it was the STORY that caught me. If I enjoy that, the writing style takes a back seat.
Thank you so much for writing this!

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 13:33:48

Aww, you made me sniff now, Kenna <3

Ravenna Tate link
3/16/2015 10:28:39

YES! YES! YES! I'm ashamed as well for not having acted like an adult and made up my own mind first. Have read them now and have seen the movie, and I really enjoyed both. Thank you, Doris. :)

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 12:26:25

Thanks, Ravenna. It's all too easy to do, isn't it, this jumping on lark :-)

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Ray Sostre link
3/16/2015 11:59:17

Doris, wow! You pointed it on the nail. What's wrong with some opinions are nothing more than different opinions. Not everyone is pleased by FSOG. Some are a bunch of bandwagon opinionaters, and others, well nust a bunch haters. At the same time, you pointed out on key word to remind readers 'fiction'. There are readers that are too wrapped up in this crap call realism that they forget they're reading fantasy. Great point in explaining on having an open mind

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 12:27:18

Thanks, Ray :-)

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Paloma Beck link
3/16/2015 12:51:57

Thanks for sharing your reflections, Doris. I enjoyed the books but made the decision not to engage in the dialogue surrounding the book. Speaking out like you did is a better alternative. Why do we think its okay to bash an author just because her book becomes a best seller? I've hated all the meanness of other authors while in the next breath, they use the book to market their own. Good post - I also remember the stares during my breastfeeding days and can relate!

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Doris O'Connor link
3/16/2015 13:27:29

Oh so true, re the author bashing, Paloma. It's a sad reflection on our society if you ask me. If anything, we should celebrate each other's successes. :-)

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Tania Smith
3/17/2015 03:44:36

Well said. I initially tried to read the first book and I think I let everyone else's negativity (and first person) stop me from getting through it. I did go and see the movie. Sorry I love Jamie Dornan. Really enjoyed the movie - purchased the trilogy on Amazon and have almost finished the last story. I have actually enjoyed the read this time around - looked at it as I would have any other romance novel and not get carried away with the hype etc.

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Doris O'Connor link
3/17/2015 03:59:46

Hello Tania, I think you hit it in one there. That's exactly the attitude in which I finally read them :-)

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Jackie
3/17/2015 06:21:12

Thank you for that Doris. I get very frustrated with the way people want to just slag the books/film. It's like they are so far up on their own pedestal, they wont even consider looking at the book because it is so below them.
1.I was always led to believe BDSM was different for everyone and not to judge.
2. This is a book of fiction - nearly every genre has books that are not true or real to life - why does this one need to be?
3. I totally agree that there are far better books out there, I've read a fair few lol. However this book was picked up by media, was promoted to the extreme and made the author a fortune - well good for her. She was very lucky and I bet all authors wouldn't have said no to the same.
4. This book has opened up an avenue for woman to be more open about their sexuality and that's a great thing.

I enjoyed the books and the movie (got hubby to watch too but he wasn't impressed) but that's okay, he gave it a go. Would love to see more erotic books made into movies/TV shows, lets hope that FSofG opens those doors too. xx

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Doris O'Connor link
3/20/2015 07:04:24

You make some excellent points, Jackie, and I wholeheartedly agree :-)

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Dariel Raye link
3/19/2015 14:26:30

Enjoyed this article, Doris :-) So true, we should make up our own minds and celebrate one another's successes. Jealousy is a hideous, demented evil in any field and form. I bought the set and like you, enjoyed the love story. Anna was annoying at times, but apparently exactly what he needed. I've not seen the movie because the actor chosen to portray Christian is not sexy to me, and I don't want my visions of Christian tainted, but that's just me ;-) Like Paloma, I haven't said much about it, but my umbrella statement is that one author's success opens doors for all of us.

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Doris O'Connor link
3/20/2015 07:05:35

Jamie Dornan wasn't my vision for Christian either, but he did a pretty good job in the movie, to be fair :-)

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